


(Il)Logic, Mental Health, and Wine

by thein273



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Because it just feels weirdly in-character to me, Deceit | Janus Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Little Shit, Drunk Logic | Logan Sanders, Gen, Gift Fic, He'll stab you for saying that but it's true, Honestly this is way too many tags for the length of this, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I really hope you like whatever this is Remy, I swear Remy I tried to write these two as sweet but they refused to do as they were told, Immature Logan, Is this crack?, Is this what crack looks like?, Janus did JUST kidnap Logan, Like, Logan holds grudges, Logan is as dramatic as Roman, Logan is not at his smartest here, Logan lent the brain cell to Janus, Logic | Logan Sanders is Bad at Feelings, Not related to MGTBW at all, Petulant Logan, Post-Episode: Putting Others First - Selfishness v. Selflessness Redux | Sanders Sides, Wine Buddies, but - Freeform, in their defense, passive-aggressive hurt/comfort, who is trying to give it back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 22:54:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29990067
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thein273/pseuds/thein273
Summary: Shortly after kidnapping him for ignoble purposes, Janus sees Logan getting drunk in the Conscious Mind. He sees fit to talk to him. Predictably, two of the most emotionally repressed Sides trying to have an emotional conversation goes...a little sideways.#This was meant as a hurt/comfort gift fic for a reader of another one of my stories, except at some point, it devolved into something mildly crack-y? I genuinely hope you enjoy this, Remy. If not, I'll give it another crack. Heh. Get it? Crack? Because it's - I'll see myself out now.
Relationships: Deceit | Janus Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	(Il)Logic, Mental Health, and Wine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [remy_the_lemon_berry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/remy_the_lemon_berry/gifts).



> THIS IS NOT RELATED TO _MORALITY IS GREY_ OR _TRUST IS BLACK AND WHITE_ OR THAT SERIES. If you're hoping to find clues for the sequel, you won't find them here. Really. I know this fandom is very bad at it, but do not overthink this. This is just a...very weird gift for one of my readers.
> 
> remy_the_lemon_berry, thanks for being an awesome reviewer and really supportive and sweet, and congrats on being the first to figure out one of my plot twists. I genuinely hope you enjoy this, because I...am not sure what I have birthed.

WHEN JANUS FOUND LOGAN BOOZING IT UP ON THE RECESSES OF THOMAS' CONSCIOUS MIND, he knew he had to help.

Logan sat on an armchair with his tie loosened, holding a very large wineglass half-empty, and judging by the flush to his cheeks, that wasn't because he'd conserved his liquor. He propped his feet up on an ottoman, staring at a white-board set up a few feet away from him. Written across the top in neat block lettering were the words: _THEORIES WHY THOMAS DOESN_ _'T VALUE MY INPUT_. The first few options seemed sensible enough—"I don't articulate myself well enough," "Thomas prioritizes emotion over rationality"—but as the list continued, the handwriting got sloppier and sloppier and the theories progressively more irrational. "I'm a loser stinky side." "Everyone else are loser stinky sides." "Thomas is a loser stinky ~~side~~ man." Lots of "loser" and "stinky," in summary.

Janus considered this scene for a moment, head tilted to the side. Logan likely didn't want to see him, being that only a few hours ago, he'd kidnapped him and stolen his face to carve out his part in Thomas' life. Janus didn't exactly feel _bad_ about that, either, which he understood to be a critical prerequisite should Logan demand an apology.

But Janus also remembered that Patton had shut him up amidst his growing panic over the grey area of morality. Janus still didn't understand the frog thing. Janus didn't know if anyone would ever make sense of the frog thing. Wasn't Patton an aggressive cat and dog lover? Why _frogs_? At least Virgil liked spiders, Janus liked snakes, and Remus liked…whatever in God's name Remus was. Rats. Octopuses. Strange demented cryptids that scuttled around gutters and advocated for various depraved pastimes and occasionally the apocalypse.

Janus shook his head. Thomas' suspected ADHD tendencies didn't just affect him; they also had an obnoxious habit of sneaking up on even the most rational and focused Sides.

Logan hiccuped and then promptly burped. Loudly. It was a full-body ordeal, too. Janus wrinkled his nose, but then he considered Thomas' abhorrent mental state, Roman's tantrum, and Virgil's apparent _determined_ refusal to mingle with anyone. Learning that Janus had been accepted at the table hadn't precisely helped matters, either.

Janus snapped and an armchair—really more like a _throne_ with scale-detailing—appeared in front of Logan's, blocking his view of the white-board. Logan jumped and fell sloppily out of his chair, scrambling to better plant himself in the seat.

" _Don_ _'t_ pour me a glass," Janus demanded, holding out his hand expectantly. "No self-respecting rational Side ought to drink alone."

Logan stared at him, blinking blearily. He shook his head and snapped himself. The flush in his cheeks alleviated and his eyes cleared. His bewildered expression turned heated. "You kidnapped me," he said. "With a cane. My midsection is still sore."

"It's _totally_ personal." Janus waved his hand dismissively. "I _didn_ _'t_ just need a convenient costume to put on—"

" _Costume_?" A vein in Logan's forehead bulged and he took on an orange tint—Rage's influence. Janus couldn't say he missed the hotheaded bully, still hanging back in the Subconscious keeping Remus entertained. If Thomas never accepted him, that might be best. He only ever seemed to get in the way of Thomas' goals.

Needless to say, Janus didn't appreciate seeing him affect someone who _might_ have been an ally. "Oh, calm down," Janus told him. "Like we aren't all wearing costumes? We're Thomas dressed up differently to reflect our individual functions. Are you going to try to tell me _this_ isn't a costume?" Janus gestured down over his black and yellow getup.

Logan wrinkled his nose and turned his face away a little petulantly. "I'm not going to forgive you."

"You don't need to forgive me," Janus pointed out. "That's the beauty of it. You just need to pour me a motherfucking wineglass and get trashed with me. It's really not rocket science, Logan, not that I imagine you'd have much trouble with that, either."

Logan snorted, then snorted again, then burst out laughing, doubling over in the middle and sloshing his drink everywhere. Janus rolled his eyes, stealing it from him and taking a sip. He hummed and smacked his lips distastefully. Of _course_ Logan would aim for such unbearable authenticity that he selected generic, _gross_ wine to get drunk on. Janus snapped and it turned into a Pinot Noir. He sipped again and sighed in satisfaction.

Logan was still laughing.

Janus blinked and nudged him with his foot. He didn't stop. Janus kicked him. Still no effect. So, Janus slapped him. Hard. With his glove.

" _Ow_!" Logan howled, holding his cheek and looking at Janus in outrage. " _Why_?" That one came out more of a whine.

"Fascinating how you sobered yourself up and you're _still_ acting like a whiny, deranged drunk." Janus rolled his eyes. "Honestly. This is starting to feel like that time I got drunk with Remus. Which is to say, I _didn_ _'t_ and I had to be his designated Leash Side."

Logan scowled. "Leash Side?"

"Whoever gets charged with minding that Remus doesn't actually start the apocalypse that day." Logan scoffed. "You scoff, but don't underestimate that shit rat. Just because he's a fragment of an _offensively_ rule-abiding citizen doesn't mean he wouldn't somehow find a way to blow up the White House. Which he is strictly forbidden from doing without including me."

Logan huffed quietly and slumped dramatically in his chair, legs splayed out while he guzzled wine.

Janus pursed his lips and studied him. "You're acting quite unlike yourself tonight, Logan, I must say."

Logan glared at him. "I ran out of Crofter's."

Janus sighed and pinched his sinuses. "Logan, as much as I admire your _insane_ adherence to 'realistic happenings' or whatever in God's unholy name you call them, _you aren_ _'t real_." He looked at him. "You can just _make more Crofter_ _'s appear._ "

Logan glared and passive-aggressively drank wine.

Janus dropped his head back and stared at the ceiling. He weighed the pros and cons. His first priority was _Thomas_ , and even then, he didn't do feelsy bullshit. He preferred to just shout "take care of yourself, idiot" from the sidelines and call it a day. Anything more risked opening cans of worms he didn't have much interest in corralling. It was a large part of why he and Virgil didn't get along toward the end; Virgil became too emotional, and Janus opted for "cold and mocking" over "open and genuine." He'd do _literally anything else_ than be open or genuine.

But that hadn't precisely gotten him or Thomas very far, and it could not mean anything good if Thomas' rational thinking and objective thought sat in a sloppy drunken mess glaring at people and grieving imaginary jars of Crofter's.

Janus looked over at the board. "I want you to know," he began, "I am doing this against my better judgment." Logan made a garbled noise of surprise, and Janus faced him, snapping in a table and setting his glass down on it. He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. "Thomas does value your input," Janus told him, "but Thomas is an incredibly emotional person who is very _in-touch_ with his emotions, in case you haven't noticed that from how loud all of your interlocutors can get."

Logan hesitated, watching Janus warily. He sipped from his drink, this time with a little less petulance.

"We both know, despite the air he projects, Thomas isn't doing well," Janus continued. "He's _in_ a mental health crisis, and despite the work I've done to improve his situation, we are still miles away from _better_ , especially with so many parts of him at war and disagreeing over what to do. This is the start of improvement. Which means that he is _extremely_ emotional and most of his crises right now are _inherently emotional ones_. You can help steady the plane when it starts going down. You can make sure everyone wears their oxygen masks and doesn't try anything too stupid. You can remind people of ways to stay safe, but you _cannot fix the engine_. You cannot _make it stop_. Only Thomas can do that, and he can only do that when he's ready.

"Do you understand?"

Logan watched Janus for a long moment and then, slowly, set his wine down. With a snap of his fingers, he fully sobered. The white-board, with all its emotional scribbles, vanished. Along with, Janus realized with a squeak of outrage when he reached for his drink, the wineglasses.

"Are you _punishing me_?" Janus demanded. "I just helped you, you ungrateful cretin."

Logan smirked. "Don't kidnap me with a cane next time, then."

Janus glared, huffed, and settled back with his arms crossed. " _Fine_ ," he said. "I guess that's fair. Not that I much care for _fair_ , mind you."

Logan rolled his eyes. "'Fair' is an inherently flawed concept. True fairness means proportional revenge in all things. The victim or the victim's loved one delivers equal punishment to the wrongdoer. It's a guaranteed way for civilization to descend into complete anarchy. So, I must agree with you. I don't much care for _fair_ , myself."

Janus considered bludgeoning Logan with his cane. "How dare you twist my anti-society rhetoric into pro-society rhetoric."

"It was my pleasure." Logan snapped some toast and Crofter's onto the table. "You're free to some if you like," he told Janus as he reached for some.

"And risk losing my arm in the process?" Janus scoffed. "No thanks."

Logan rolled his eyes, spread some jam on a toast—significantly more civilized than his usual way of consuming it, Janus was impressed—and leaned back to eat it.

For a moment, they sat in comfortable silence, and Janus relaxed. Without the pressure of saying the right thing—or the wrong thing—he let the tension of the week run off his shoulders. He summoned some wine of his own to sip while Logan had midnight breakfast.

"Janus, yes?" Logan said suddenly, and Janus yearned to throw himself out an imaginary window. He'd spent as much polite social energy as he had inside a few minutes. Could he not?

"Yes, Logan?" Janus responded dryly.

Logan summoned a glass of what appeared to be grape juice and held it aloft. "Welcome to the Conscious Mind. And…thank you."

Janus considered him carefully, searching for any hints of deception. He found none. He chuckled and clinked glasses. "You're _never_ welcome."

And together, Logan and Janus sat in comfortable silence, sipping their respective beverages and preparing for the uphill climb they would face the next few months. At least, Janus thought, he might have _one_ ally in all this chaos.


End file.
